Stage Report

OK ... so I've always thought that performers are "different." Well, "different" is too mild! I was pretty stunned on the first night of rehearsals. We started with the director making us do a bunch of stretches and breathing exercises. I thought, "did I end up in a yoga class?" Then he starts talking to us about some of the basics of the production. The entire time, the guy sitting next to me is singing his parts. I'm annoyed. The director doesn't even seem to notice. I look around me and start to see that everything that the director says is reflected in some type of movement, facial expression, or song by everyone in the room except Miles and me. We're like zombies. I'm on an alien planet surrounded by the natives and I've gone into shock!

Later, me and some of the other apostles and disciples are singing a song. It's definitely a churchy type of song but out of the corner of my eye, I spot some type of movement that seems incongruent with what I'm hearing and feeling. I glance over to my right, and there, a large woman who plays an angel is really getting into the song with a moon-walking-break-dancing routine; she is cheered on by other angels. Suddenly, the herald angel thing takes on a very different meaning.

I return home to a sleepless night as I'm haunted by anxiety over what I've gotten myself into. I desperately try to think of a way out but I can't. Thoughts of opening my mouth to sing my solo line with sounds like frogs or the death screams of rabbits escaping fill my mind. I'm convinced I will ruin the entire production. People will lose their testimonies and leave the church. Less actives who come with missionary-minded friends will ask to have their names removed from the rolls of the church! What am I to do?

It's the next day and it is bad. It's also our 22nd anniversary but I don't really feel like celebrating. I've had 3 ... maybe 4 hours of sleep. I invite Tina to eat lunch with me -- that's the only break that I'll have today. I hope by then I'll be in a good mood. I'm not. By the time we meet for lunch I've worked myself up to a frenzy. I'm ready to jettison anything and everything that causes me stress. Number one on my list is the play, especially the singing part. I've written an email to Randy explaining that I can't sing or act and I understand if he wants to get someone else. I've talked to the chair of my department about not being involved in teaching the science foundations class that's supposed to start this fall. I unload all of this on Tina during lunch. And then I start to remember why I married this woman.

Tina is a good listener. She doesn't say much but I can see what she is feeling in her eyes. There is understanding and tenderness; sympathy and love. OK ... this is getting mushy. Let's just say I felt understood and loved. I also felt strength. I didn't want to let her down; I knew she believed that I could do this. I decided to try. I talked to Randy and learned that I could back out of the singing if I really wanted to but he assured me that I could do it and I should at least try. He told me he was inspired to ask me for some reason. He helped me to understand this production is about bearing testimony and that since I have a testimony, I could share it. He admonished me to go to the Lord for help. I did and I found peace. Rehearsal that night wasn't so frightening -- it was even a bit fun. I slept that night.

It has been a roller coaster. The next day was difficult too. That singing thing was coming up soon. I had another sleepless night but I maintained my resolve. I got 10 minutes of instruction from Randy on how to sing. A few minutes of practice and another 20 minutes of pep talk and visiting.

The first part of practice that night didn't involve me singing. It was the scene where Miles has his dialog. I had been very anxious to see him in action. It was great; he was fun and he added a dimension to the scene that I hadn't imagined. We've practiced that scene without him and it wasn't nearly as good. The director decided to incorporate him into a scene that he wasn't written into.

The roller coaster ride has continued but it is getting better. I find that I enjoy the practices. I've actually sung my solo line enough now that it doesn't make me nervous. No one has laughed at me ... not even the break-dancing angel.